I think as you grow up, you will start to look at the people in your lives and see that some have your back and some don’t. For a lot of people, their main supporters may be their family and close friends, for some, they may try to encompass a lot of people. There are individuals that have thousands and thousands of friends, perhaps, to build this mini community where they can at least interact with a lot of people, even if it means just a few times a year. Then, there are highly selective individuals that take a look at the people they surround themselves with and see if they have their best intentions in mind. And, a lot of times, this takes time to even discover. It can be awkward meeting new people. You may think, things are going to be great, we are going to get to know one another, and everything will just be awesome. But, through varying situations, you will notice their true colors and may not be so willing to just let things slide anymore, whether that be minor insults or betrayal. This can be difficult. I recently learned that it takes nine times for someone to get out of a relationship where there is domestic violence.
Mark Manson once wrote on this idea of the fault/responsibility fallacy. It’s common to see everything as our fault, especially when it comes to the relationships we have with others. I was too pushy, I was annoying, I was too awkward, I should have not questioned them, I should have not spoken out, I shouldn’t have tried to fight back, I should have let them use me, I should have XYZ. It’s so easy to think that we are the ones for why things went wrong or ended. But. Don’t put all the fault on yourself. One of the biggest roles you play in whatever situation is how you take responsibility, which essentially translates into how you react. If someone isn’t treating you fairly or nicely, do you just put up with it or excuse yourself from the situation and reevaluate if you want to be treated like that. It can be easy to stay for the sake of having that idea of a support system in your life. When you have thousands and thousands of friends, it may be easier to take a step back, but, when you have been selective of who you have close to you, this can be hard. I mean, really hard. But, I think that one of the things you have to remember is that you have to have your own back too. You have to be willing to remove your rosy colored glasses, see people for who they are, what they say, and how they act, and, if they treat you like you would like to be treated.
There can be various times where you enter a situation hoping the best comes out of it. Even simple situations such as making a new friend. You invest time and effort, and it’s that investment that holds you back from saying enough is enough. High hopes can lead to lowered expectations. But, try not to lower them too much. As you get older, you will find meaning in who you interact with and you will find meaning within yourself.